caerula's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- keeping busy I somehow feel the need to apologize for my entries yesterday, as they were written in an extremely bleak frame of mind, and don't completely represent my mood, which has been very swingy lately anyway, even before this recent blow. Then I think, hey, why should I apologize? -- I'm doing this for me, to help me work through those funky moods and all the crap that keeps happening, and if I want to get extremely depressed and foul-mouthed, where better to do it than here? Then I think, but I know people read this, and I know the people who do will feel bad for me, and maybe this is all just a pathetic attempt to get some sympathy and attention. Why else would I put my extremely screwy life out here for anyone who happens to stumble upon it? Am I that much of an attention whore? But I also think, I can't imagine being as honest on paper as I am here. The paper journals I've kept in the past never have lasted more than a couple of months, and I never wrote as often as I do now. And I don't think I've been as honest with myself in those as I have here. So I don't know where all that leaves me. But again I do want to say thank you to the people who emailed me and/or left supportive messages in my guestbook. N sent my a great ecard that I printed out and taped to my computer, which states "Something just hit the fan. It wasn't pleasant." And all the other messages of support, from dichroic (who made a funny poem about Sam's Club yesterday) and Geni and Phelps and mechiaeh and everyone else are so appreciated. And I don't feel nearly so bitchy and whiny today, although I still don't feel much like talking to anyone at work. I hope I will continue to be left alone today. Blue has an interview this morning at a hotel where he worked a few years ago, and where he really liked it but left because their benefits sucked. Now that I've got great benefits and look to be here for a long while, that's not such an issue. (This was the hotel he was working at when we met Lyle Lovett when he stayed there. That was extremely cool but I did think it was a tad odd that he had Blue call him a taxi to take him to a downtown which is located approximately 2 blocks from said hotel. Oh well, that's celebrity for you, I guess. Don't have to use your feet.) And he (Blue, not Lyle) has another interview for a night audit job on Friday (at 7 AM!) It looks like he'll probably have to work two jobs for a while, which I hate, but it will help us catch up. Won't help us see each other more, or help in the child-bearing department, but what can we do? We have to get back on our feet financially before we can really think about pregnancy anyway, although it's sort of a conundrum -- I have doctors telling me that I have to get pregnant as soon as possible if we want it at all, and that my condition(s) are only going to get worse, and we really want to have a baby as soon as we possibly can, but on the practical said the next few months are going to be really really tight and it just wouldn't be the best time. I have a gyn appointment in September to discuss our options; maybe by that time we'll have a better idea of our financial position and will be able to make some decisions. I'm getting to the pathetic point that when I see commercials for diapers and stuff I get all weepy, never mind seeing babies in restaurants and stores. And once you start thinking about it, you see babies and pregnant women everywhere. I'm not going there today. I'm depressed enough already. Tonight we're going to finish up the packing as the movers are coming tomorrow and we might actually be able to move into the house -- we were promised that steps would materialize today, but as I told Blue last night, I'll believe that when I see it. We do have electric and gas and water hook-ups, and Blue finally managed to convince Ameritech that we were in their service area. Apparently we're right on the dividing line, not only between townships but between counties, and that's made things a bit difficult since we're on a new road and we keep having to explain that yes, it's on the west side of the dividing line, and it really is a road, and there really is a house there. Nothing is ever simple. But we do now have a telephone number and utilities. And I decided to take Thursday and Friday off to get things settled, since we're not going to San Diego next week, and work next Wednesday and Thursday instead. So far this entry is composed almost entirely of run-on sentences. Some English major I am. Things are getting REALLY complicated. Moving Wednesday. Beginning the process of unpacking Thursday. Must get guest room somewhat established because Queen V is coming in Thursday night. Friday afternoon we're leaving to drive up to Stratford (the one in Canada, duh) with Mom, Minnie, and Kitty. Coming back Sunday night. YMB gets back from the Dementors' Monday. Tuesday afternoon, Queen V heads back to Lon Gisland. I work Wednesday and Thursday, and then Thursday afternoon we're leaving to drive up to Kitty's for the long weekend. She called yesterday to invite us up, which was really really nice of her. Haven't been up to see their new house and new puppy since they moved, earlier in the summer, as it's about a 4 and half hour drive. They live in a beautiful touristy area off Lake Michigan, so we'll still get to go to beach and stuff. It's not California, but since YMB still has a very slim grasp of geography (he kept getting California and Carolina mixed up, anyway), I don't think he'll be terribly disappointed. He's such a go-with-the-flow kind of kid. Drive back on Monday, and Tuesday I'm back to work and YMB starts school. Who knows what Blue will be up to; if either of the interviews this week go well he may be starting a new job that week. And we'll still have most of the boxes to unpack and a new household to set up. Whew. Keeping busy is good, but this is ridiculous! 8:04 a.m. - 2001-08-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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