caerula's Diaryland Diary

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one thing after another

Blue's dad had what we think was a relatively mild stroke last night. I'd gone to Target after work and called Blue when I left to ask him to start dinner. When I pulled up in the driveway 20 minutes later, MIL had just called to say FIL was on the way to the hospital from work, via ambulance. We jumped in the car, dropped YMB off at Mom's, and headed out there, not knowing what was wrong. Then we waited in the ER waiting room for an hour before MIL could even go back, and no one told us anything. We didn't know if it was another heart attack, an accident at work (he works in a machine shop, so it's rife with possibilities for accidents). It was incredibly aggravating and worrisome.

Finally Blue and his mom were able to go back and see him and the doctors. He was woozy and said his head felt like it was going to explode; his blood pressure had gone up to 240 over something-or-other. He could sit up or stand up by himself, but his speech was ok and though he said he felt "tingly" all over, he could grip your hand. So they think there wasn't any permanant damage. By the time we left last night, after they finally got him to a room, FIL was talking a blue streak, though still dizzy and headachey, and occasionally repeating himself.

Blue's work was incredibly obnoxious when he called in. He was supposed to go in at 11, and we knew we wouldn't be out of the hospital by then, so he called around 10 and told them he didn't know if he'd make it in. He told the jackass who answered the phone that he was at the hospital with his dad.

"Oh."

"He's had a stroke, and we're waiting for some test results. I don't know when I'll get out of here."

"Well, there's probably not much you can do for him now, huh?"

Unbelievable. So sympathetic. Blue at first said he'd try to come in later, but after he thought about it, decided he was far too tired to function, and it'd be 2 am before he could even get there. So he called back, and Jackass told him to call their supervisor at home to see what she wanted him to do. Didn't offer to call himself, or anything. So Blue called Diana, and she at first said to call Jackass back and who to tell him to call. When Blue explained the conversation that had gone on, Diana said "I'll take care of it." I hope she burned his ass. Fortunately Diana, and not Jackass, is Blue's actual supervisor, and she is much more understanding.

We got home well after 1 am and finally got to bed about 3. Blue's going this morning to pick up YMB -- he doesn't have school today -- and then going over to the hospital. I haven't heard yet how things are looking today; they're supposed to do an MRI to check for any significant damage to the brain stem, which is where they think the stroke was located. If that's ok, then FIL should be fine, just a couple of weeks of recovery.

On top of all this, we got a letter yesterday from Dementor#3, YMB's mom. She's all upset because Blue didn't tell her that YMB was starting on Ritalin until after he'd started. This is after it was discussed in court and it was common knowledge that we were planning on it, we just didn't know for sure when. My feeling is, if she was so worried about it she could have called and asked. But she never contacts Blue directly, just quizzes YMB when she sees him and then takes his 8-year-old interpretation as gospel truth. She made vague threats about filing for custody because Blue doesn't share things with her and "at least when he's in my home I'll know what's going on with him." At home in her single-wide borrowed trailer with her three other out-of-wedlock children and her live-in boyfriend who's not the father of any of them. Yeah, I think she'll win. After all, we only have a stable marriage, good jobs, health insurance, a nice house, and a school system where YMB is established and doing well. How could that compare to the fact that she gave birth to him?

What D3 consistently fails to realize is that giving birth to someone makes you their biological parent, and that's it. Being there for him for eight years makes you his mom, and she wasn't. But if she does file, that means another court proceeding eventually, and more lawyer fees. Provided the judge doesn't throw it out, which is a possibility, but a small one. And no matter how sure of ourselves we are -- and we have a far better chance prevailing over her than we did over the grandparents, as she has no established custodial environment with YMB, and there is a declaration of unfitness on file -- no matter, court is always extremely stressful. There's only so many times you can sit there and hear what a bad person and parent you are, and personal attacks on you and your family, before you start to get extremely pissed. It's just so frustrating. They can't just let YMB be, let him have a home and be happy. They have to pull him one way or the other, tug and tug. He's resilient, but he's eight. If they keep this up he'll break eventually.

12:17 p.m. - 2001-09-25

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