caerula's Diaryland Diary

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damn dementors

Damn. Damn damn damn damn.

It's another shitty day. Woke up in a shitty mood and it's just gone downhill.

But oh, let's start at the beginning. Why not.

Yesterday wasn't bad. I worked from home, although I didn't get a whole lot of work done; I am just doing proofing, which is something that can easily be done sitting on the couch. I was so sore and tired and achy all over, and my legs are so swollen, that I could hardly get out of bed. So, didn't do much yesterday. Slept a lot.

Last night was YMB's open house. We knew the dementors were coming, but weren't really terribly concerned; what could they do or say in front of YMB's teacher? Last year's open house wasn't bad at all. So Blue and I went, and Mom came with us as she always enjoys that sort of thing, watching YMB show us around like we've never been there before, his books and his desk and the little weird potato head thing he has grass growing out of. We had a few minutes before the dementors arrived (just grandma and grandpa, apparently his mom couldn't be bothered), so that was nice. They showed up and hovered in the doorway, just like they do at our house; YMB had to drag them in. We lingered at the front while YMB did a repeat tour, and were perfectly pleasant. Really, we were. We're not stupid enough to say snarky things where they can hear us.

Then YMB wanted to show us around the building. It's an old school, and pretty big; much with the up and down stairs and around corners and stuff. This is also the school where I attended 3-6 grade, so it was pretty neat for me to wander around in. We saw the library, art, and music rooms; YMB wanted to introduce us to his music teacher, whom he already has a huge crush on, but the Dementors declared it "too hot" and made him leave. Dementor #2 made several comments like "is it always this hot?" at us, like we were personally responsible for the heat; I explained what YMB's teacher Mrs. W had told me, that the older parts of the school weren't air conditioned yet but should be by spring. I might as well have been talking to a brick wall for all they acknowledged anytime I spoke.

Dementor #2 decided she needed to go upstairs and talk to Mrs. W (about who knows what, probably trying to turn her against us!) and we went down to the gym, on the basement level. This is where things turned really bad. YMB introduces us all to the gym teacher, after which D#1 approached us to inform said teacher that YMB has asthma and should have an inhaler with him. YMB has had gym exactly once since school started, so it's not like the teacher had any idea who this child was yet; still, he nodded and said if there were any problems, medicine was kept in the office which was right down the hallway.

Now, this upset me, and I'll tell you why. We've taken YMB on regular visits to his pediatrician for that past near two years. Every time he's been checked for the asthma and shown no signs of it. While I know that he does, or did, have asthma, he's not had an asthma attack in years. In fact, I've never actually seen him have an attack, and I've known him since he was 3. So anyway, I stepped over to D#1, merely in an attempt (stupid, I know) to be pleasant and reassuring, and said "We really don't have anything to worry about, you know. YMB hasn't had an attack in ages, and he's not had any problems in gym at all." D# steps right up into my face and starts explaining to me that YMB DOES have asthma, an attack could come anytime, we don't know anything about it, blah blah. I put my hand up, as he was snapping his fingers right in my face. Blue stepped between us, and of course YMB followed. D#1 began his usual routine how we don't care anything about YMB's health, if we really wanted what was best for him we would have left him with them, etc. YMB ran across to the other side of the gym and plunked down on some mats, and I followed, so I really don't know what was said after that; Mom said she touched Mark's arm and said "let's go," and he followed her over to where I was sitting with my arm around YMB. D#, ass that he is, followed, yelling at Mark. I held YMB and put my hands over his ears while D# was spouting off stupid-ass stuff about us knowing nothing about what we were doing, not knowing how to take care of a child, not knowing anything about YMB, etc.; YMB actually jumped up and started to get between them, yelling "why can't you just be friends!" � poor kid. I kind of pulled him off and started walking away with him and my mom, and Blue turned to follow us; this is the point where D#1 actually stuck his foot out and TRIPPED Blue, who fortunately caught his balance before falling face first on the gym floor. Then D#1 says "oh, SORRY." I absolutely wanted to tackle him. Fortunately Blue was able to step away; he picked up YMB and swung him away, since we honestly didn't know what D#1 was capable of at that point. We left the gym and D#1 again followed us; I took YMB into a side room � he was sobbing his head off -- and Mom came in and closed the door. We tried to calm YMB down a little, got him to blow his nose, and Mom went to bring Mark in � apparently D#1 tried to come in too, and Mom said NOT RIGHT NOW and shut the door in his face. We talked for a few minutes, Blue apologized to YMB for being so upset, YMB gave us all hugs and told Blue it was ok.

I went out with YMB so he could say goodbye to his grandparents. D#2 was apparently still up with Mrs. W. D#1 took him off into a corner and whispered to him (ugh), and then went into the room � it actually looked for a minute like he was going to apologize, then something Blue said about just not being as concerned about the asthma as they are, and that we are never going to agree on that, set him off again. He as usual tried to twist it around so it sounded like Blue was saying he didn't care about YMB. And then proceeded to explain � right in front of YMB � how an asthma attack can make YMB's airways swell up so fast that he could die within seconds. Nice thing for a kid to hear, eh? Then D#1 said to YMB that they need to go say goodbye to him. As they passed me I went with them, following so that when they found D#2 and said goodbye YMB was coming right back with me. #1 just Looked at me, but didn't say anything; #2 was still in Mrs. W.'s room and they disappeared in there. YMB came back out by himself, and we all left.

Mom took us to Big Boy's for desert, which distracted everyone, and then as we got home, there was a woman out walking her two Aussies � one a 5 month old, and one an older dog. That excited YMB so much that he forgot all about things for a few minutes, and the woman was really nice about letting YMB pet and play with the dogs. We did have to talk about it with YMB, which was unpleasant, of course, but he seemed to deal pretty well; he had no problems going to bed but was a little clingy.

I had a horrid headache � dealing with those people always does that to me � and didn't sleep well; I know Blue didn't either. He's supposed to talk with the lawyer this morning and see what we can do � after all, I would think #1's actions towards Blue last night could be constituted as threatening.

And then this morning I came into work and was informed by the new boss lady that any days I miss during the week � which Grandma Boss always let me make up an hour or two at a time, as I felt better � would have to be made up during the week in which they were missed. If not, then my pay will be docked. And no more working at home. I guess there was some moving around in the higher ups and the decreed that this was no longer acceptable, even though it had been okay up until now. Sigh. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know it doesn't sound like much, working a 40-hour work week, but I just can't sit in a desk chair for eight hours. I get so sore. This past week has been particularly hard, with wrist, elbows, lower back giving me a hard time, as well as my pathetic legs. I hate this. I don't look sick, and so even though fibromyalgia is fairly painful, and right now I seem to be having a horrid flare-up, there's nothing I can do. The doctors I'm seeing won't give me anything for pain beyond Motrin, although last week they did give me Ty3 for my legs, which is something.

I hate feeling so pathetic and sorry for myself, this week of all weeks, but gah. Everything just sucks.

Except that I'm going to lunch now, and instead of eating, I'm taking myself off to the AAUW book sale, which should cheer me up. I hope.

12:39 p.m. - September 13, 2002

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