caerula's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- people are dumb Things are better today. At least, I feel better about things. I got a decent amount of sleep last night, despite hanging out with Cyn (who STILL has not updated despite very specific instructions to do so) until 9 last night, then talking to MIL on the phone about Christmas stuff, then talking to QueenV, whom I have not talked to since before Thanksgiving. That was a very complicated run-on type sentence. Anyway, I was still in bed before midnight, and I'm pretty sure I slept all the way through the night. I'm still tired � when am I not � but I didn't feel quite so old when I got up this morning, which was definitely an improvement. Cyn came over to watch "Year Without a Santa Claus" and "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" (the one with the mice and the clock) with YMB and me, but somehow those shows have mysteriously disappeared from our Tivo list. Sad. Blue claims no knowledge, but I think it's probably the fault of him and his stupid car shows he records all weekend. So then we were going to watch the Buffy musical on videotape, and I couldn't get the VCR to work. Sigh. So Cyn instead got stuck helping YMB with his homework and looking at every toy the child owns. And somehow she nearly trapped us in the house when she managed to get the screen door stuck. Her karma is almost as bad as mine, I think. Hmm. Cheetos and Mountain Dew. Probably not the healthiest lunch ever, but I really don't feel like going out in search of something. I wish we had better vending machines here. I find myself vehemently in agreement with mechaieh's entry today (not that I don't usually agree with her -- just especially today). So many people don't seem to understand that there are thing you just don't pry about. Like the "when are you two going to have kids?" question. As mechaieh so astutely points out, if you aren't going to have kids, everyone expects you to explain your reasons and judges you on them, like somehow you're deficient; if you do want kids, and are having difficulties, then the questions are just painful, and you have to endure sympathetic looks. Why don't some people have any sense of common courtesy? Would I go up to a fat person and say, "so, when are you going to lose some weight?" No, I would not. I've been thinking on this because what with all the family get-togethers this time of year, and my sister's pregnancy, people who aren't aware of my difficulties -- relatives I'm not particularly close to, especially -- have started saying things like, "so, when are you going to catch up to your sister?" My parents keep being congratulated on their first grandchild. Particularly insensitive there, implying that YMB somehow doesn't count. Mom and Dad, bless them, are always quick to point out that although this will be the first baby in the family in a while, they do already have a grandchild. And the other night I was talking to my cousin, who couldn't get pregnant and ended up adopting the Diva and Buttercup, and she's being all sympathetic with me over Kitty's pregnancy. She kept saying "I can say this, because I've been there. I know how you feel." Well, yes, she has been there, but everyone deals with this differently. Tee had huge jealousy issues both time her brother's wife got pregnant. And she obviously expected me to feel the same way about Kitty. "Wasn't it hard at Thanksgiving when your dad said how thankful he was to have his pregnant daughter home?" Well, no, actually, it wasn't. Of course he was thankful. Mom & Dad rarely get to see Kitty, and she's having a really difficult pregnancy. Every time they can see her and see that she's healthy and happy they're thrilled. And it doesn't bother me. Nothing about her pregnancy, in fact, bothers me; it was hard the first few days, yes, but please. I'm thrilled for them. And so excited to be an aunt. And yes, I would like to have my own baby, but not at the expense of Kitty's happiness, which was what Tee seemed to expect. I don't get it. I really don't. 1:55 p.m. - December 13, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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