caerula's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- stealthy is a funny word if you look at it too long I have BNL's "Be My Yoko Ono" stuck in my head -- just the part where they go "don't blame it on Yokie." It's driving me nuts. So, I am having to be very stealthy about my updating at work. I'm typing this in Word in the smallest possible window. GB caught me this morning reading List email and again with the snarky comments: GB: What is this? Lord what? That's not your work email, is it? Me, jokingly: It never fails. The second I click over to email, that's when you walk in. GB, not jokingly: Well, if you never do it, it won't be a problem. Please. Everyone does it. I'm not terribly proud of killing so much time at work, but the fact is, I'm bored out of my skull. If I didn't take a break every now and then to look at something different I'd be found asleep, which would probably be worse. When I write these entries or check my email at work, I don't do it all at once. I switch back and forth constantly. Multi-tasking is seriously one of my talents, and I get bored really easily. So while I'm waiting for a report to run, or something to load or print, I do something else. I don't think it negatively affects my productivity; I get at least as much done as everyone else around here, if not more. And as Natalieee once said about her old job, I don't stop constantly at every cubicle to chat and gossip. But if I spend that time on the net instead, I get reprimanded. Meanwhile, yesterday I heard a long involved conversation between GB, one of the other catalogers, and one of the college students about GB's quest for the perfect piece of art to hang over her fireplace. That's ok, I guess. The weird thing is, this is totally new. All I've heard since I started is what a good job I'm doing, what an asset I am to the department, and now I feel like GB is spying on me. Literally, I'm sitting here at my computer and I keep looking over my shoulder, like she's going to pop up and quietly make me feel like shit. That's the thing � she doesn't get upset, she's a master of the passive-aggressive technique of managing. This makes me very fearful for who we're going to get when GB retires in a couple of months. The department consensus is that is doesn't bode well. Oh, and when I meandered down to Sherman's cube to bitch about this and get my morning M&M quota, she popped up almost immediately. I had just finished bitching and dived for the candy dispenser, which I'm sure looked COMPLETELY natural. The funny thing was, Sherman was checking HIS personal email, and he uses Yahoo mail, so he can't even pretend it's work stuff. But did she say anything to him? No! At least it's not as bad as Blue's old job � there they'd track Internet use, and he got in big trouble once because he'd pulled up some sports website to look at, then minimized the window and left it there all day. So it looked like he was on the web eight hours straight. He got reamed for that, which was just idiotic. Do managers really, honestly thing that their employees do nothing but work for eight or nine hours straight? Jesus Pete, talk about brain atrophy. I'd be in a mind coma if I tried that. Never mind which, I think it would be literally impossible for me. Maybe I'm weak. Whatever. I know. I should just do my internet stuff at home. But at home there's the lure of Blue, YMB, food, my sewing room, etc etc. When I worked at the school two years ago, right before I got really sick, I had no time at work to get online. I found myself never updating my sites, never checking my email, and losing touch with a lot of people. The Internet has become a lifeline for me since I've been healthy again. I've made wonderful friends, I've gained a lot personally, I've become consistent about writing again. Honestly, I need it. I sound like a junkie. I need my fix! Really, I NEED it. I'm gonna die, man! 10:33 a.m. - January 11, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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