caerula's Diaryland Diary

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equanimity, or lack thereof

So GrandmaBoss came into my cubiclehood a few minutes ago and asked to talk to me in her office. Paranoid freak that I am, I assumed I was in trouble, particularly as I walked in I was reading Kinetix's diary and she commented on the green-and-yellow contrast -- so I was fairly obviously not working. So I go down to her office and she says to shut the door. I do, thinking I'm going to get reamed out for all the time I spend online and reading email. No, actually, instead I find out that I'm in line for a nice bonus because of all the extra time our section has put in on these projects.

Woohoohood!

Of course I do feel slightly guilty now, for all the time-killing I do at work. But, at the risk of sounding a little full of myself, I do as much if not more in the time I DO work as the people around me do, even if they're working the entire time. Which I know they are not. They just happen to spend their time chatting with each other or on the phone, while I spend mine updating my web pages.

So anyway, this is very good news. We could certainly use the money. It could almost pay off the car loan we just took out, for one thing, or take a nice chunk out of my student loans. Or buy us some decent non-hand-me-down living room furniture. So many possibilities!

You know, when I was single, I would have been thinking "I could go to Europe...I could buy a new wardrobe...I could buy electronic toys..." Things change. And you know what? I really don't mind.

Of course, there is a catch. There's always a catch. We have to finish the first phase by October 26. That's three weeks. And the second phase by mid-December. It's doable, but it means working my butt off at home and at work. But hey, I wouldn't mind losing some of the padding back there.


So, just one more thing today, then I'm going to get to work. I'm going to share an email Blue and I sent yesterday, and then the responses we received. Anyone who thinks that I am perhaps exaggerating about how evil and nasty the Dementors are, pay attention:

Dear Dementors #1,2, and 3,
We want to let you know that YMB's school counselor has recommended that YMB receive outside counseling. We are open to this and think that it will probably help him. We probably will use a local family counseling center called ... I'll be contacting them today to check into their program. If any of you have any problems or questions with that, please let me know. I'll be happy to talk to you tomorrow when you pick YMBup, or via phone or email. We will certainly let you know when we have him scheduled.
Also, will you be able to take Kristian to soccer practice tomorrow?
Again, if you have any concerns or questions please let us know.
Blue and Caerula

Polite, right? Minimum of information, which we have found is best, and straigt to the point. But not rude, accusing, nasty, is it?

Dementors #1&2's response:

Blue.
We're glad to see you are listening to this advice on counseling. We have all said since January he should be in outside therapy. Thank you for letting us know.
As far as soccer, we have plans from the moment we pick up Kristian tomorrow until Sunday when you come for him. Sorry, but the weather's going to be cold and rainy anyway.
Tell YMB hi and that we love him and can't wait to see him.
The Dementors

Okay, not too bad, I guess, although abrupt. And yes, last winter they did bring up the idea of counseling -- only because they were taking him to see someone on his weekend up there! But sorry, cold and rainy isn't really an excuse to miss soccer. Not after all the problems we've had keeping him on the team, and the arrangements we made to accomodate them. They just arbitrarily decide that he doesn't have to go. And does an 8 y.o. really need that much activity in one 48 hr. period? No wonder he's so wired when we get him home on those Sundays.

Now for the real classic, Dementor#3's response, spelling and grammar verbatim:

Blue,
I appretiate the fact that you have finally decided to do the right thing for YMB, seeing that I had suggested that he be in counseling months ago. It's a shame that YMB had to suffer because you were too stubborn to take the advice of everyone that had suggested that he continue his counciling, months ago. If you would stop thinking about yourself, and your pride, and put your son first for a change, than maybe you'd be doing both of you a favor, and the relationship you have with him might benefit. Try to remember that at one time we were partners enough to have made him, now we should be Partners in raising him.
D#3

Good lord. It just makes me want to beat her to a bloody pulp. She can't respond to anything from Blue with any kind of equinimity. Nothing in our letter called for that kind of vitriolic response. Firstly, "months ago" was summer, and he was with her parents most of the summer. Counseling doesn't do any good when it's an hour here, and another hour three weeks later, and maybe another hour the next month. There was no way we could have had him on any kind of regular schedule until after school started. And when school started, we got him in to see the school counselor right away. We were hoping that would be enough, and now that we've realized it's not, we're taking the appropriate steps. I don't understand how she can still think this has anything to do with Blue's "pride." And suddenly she thinks they should be partners. For the last eight years she's had nothing to do with either of them, except for visiting YMB when it's convenient for her, and now she thinks she deserves some kind of say in how he's raised.

Also not the mispelling, grammatical errors, and random capitals. I know it's wrong of me to feel superior, but I just can't help it. At least YMB will grow up knowing how to formulate a sentence, if I have anything to say about it.

Enough of that. Don't think about their shit. Think about a nice fat bonus, just in time for Christmas...

10:14 a.m. - 2001-10-05

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