caerula's Diaryland Diary

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bah humbug

Woo! And hoo! Free bagels this morning! And I snagged the last cinnamon-sugar one. I feel better already.

Actually, I do feel better today, despite the fact that I only got five or six hours of sleep. Last night wasn't pleasant, but I'm in a decent mood today. Although I still would lie down and go to sleep on the floor of my cublicle, if I thought I could get away with it. We're lenient, but not THAT lenient. Unfortunately.

I've figured out one of the reasons I've been so grumpy lately, aside from the Hangover from Hell weekend. What with Minnie and EngineerBoy's wedding and them leaving for their honeymoon Christmas morning, and this being YMB's mom's family's year to have him for Christmas (entirely too many apostrophes in that last bit, I know), the holidays feel all screwy this year, and it's upsetting me. Blue will probably after to work the midnight shift Christmas Eve, which means that the first Christmas in our new house I will wake up all by myself. Depressing! And in my family, we always had really specific traditions, and I've just not gotten used to things not being the Way They've Always Been. Even after we all had moved our and gotten boyfriends and stuff, we always came back and spent the night Christmas Eve, and did the same things we did as kids.

We always went out for an early dinner, then went to a movie. Then we came home and opened our presents from the Christmas Eve Elf. We always, always got new pajamas and a family game. Then we made punch (ginger ale, 7-Up, and orange sherbet, which, when we were a little older, we were allowed a shot of champagne in), played our game, ate chips and dip, drank punch, and stayed up until midnight. We all went to bed -- Kitty, Minnie and I always piled together in one roome to sleep -- and woke up ridiculously early. But we were never allowed to go into the family room until Mom and Dad got up, a process they would drag out on purpose so that by the time we were allowed in, we were all bouncing off the walls in excitement. Stockings came first, which we were allowed to all open at once, and then we had to take turns. No mad rushing to open everything at our house. We each took turns and admired each others gifts. And mom always had an elaborate system so that she knew which order we were to open our presents in. There was always one big one saved for last, for each of us. The first one I remember was before Minnie was born, when I was probably four and Kitty was two. We got the niftiest play kitchen set. The refrigerator was shaped like a penguin, the stove looked like an elephant, the sink was a hippo. One year it was a Barbie dream house; one year Mom and Dad stood in line for hours to get us all a Cabbage Patch Kid (I still have mine -- her name is Callie). Even in tight years, there was always something special at the end. And there were always books, and a new outfit,

Grandma always came over late in the morning and we opened her presents and had breakfast, then we'd get ready in whatever our new outfit was and go to Gramma & Grampa's for dinner. That was always so exciting too -- all mom's family came for dinner, and there were always so many presents, the men had to move the coffee table out of the living room. The big things were tucked behind Grampa's chair and we'd hang over the back, trying to read name tags, until they made us come help set the table. No presents before dinner! We had the cutest little kids' table, painted in a Pennsylvania Dutch style, and always felt so refined as we had our own salt & pepper shakers and butter dish. And the menu was always the same. To this day I'm convinced that no one's mashed potatoes taste as good as Gramma's, and Minnie -- the professional chef -- won't eat cranberry jelly that's not direct from the can, with the ridges still visible. Then there was the orgy of presents, with the inevitable sweaters from the aunts. One of my favorite memories is the year I got the Barbie camper. I can remember Grampa and me down in their basement, trying to put it together. He had really thick fingers, and the forefinger missing on one hand from a farm accident when he was young, but he still helped me peel off all those little stickers and put them in the right places. Grampa wasn't one to show affection, and he always seemed pretty distant to us, and so I absolutely treasure that memory.

We did that all the same up until the year I went to grad school, the year Grampa died. After that Gramma hasn't really felt much like cooking the big Christmas dinner, and we've all sort of drifted off to our immediate families on the day, instead of gathering there. But even so, we kept most of our traditions -- we still went out to eat and went to a movie, we still go pajamas and all spent the night on Christmas Eve, and Mom and Dad made a big Christmas dinner, joined in various years by various family members and boyfriends. Last Christmas was actually the first year I didn't wake up on Christmas morning at my parents house, since it was the first year we were married and had YMB on Christmas morning. And the last couple of years we've spent just the morning at Mom & Dad's adjourning in the afternoon to Blue's family celebration. That was hard for me the first couple of times, even. I love Blue's family, but it's still hard for me to accept anything different.

And this year will be SO different. We'll let YMB open some of his presents on the 23rd, and then he'll get picked up that evening and will be gone until New Year's Eve. We're having our family get-together at Mom & Dad's on Christmas Eve day, presents and everything. Kitty and CF will leave late afternoon to go to his parents, as they do presents Christmas Eve, will spend the night there, and then leave sometime Christmas Day to drive back up to TC. Minnie and CF will leave early to go home to bed, since they have to be at the airport 5 am Christmas Day. And Blue will leave the night to go to work, and I'll either go home to an empty house, or spend the night at Mom & Dad's and wake up Christmas morning to no sweet rolls, presents all done, and not much of a holiday. We'll go to Blue's family in the early afternoon, I expect, although Blue still hasn't managed to get the details of where and when they're doing dinner and presents. Mom and Dad will be by themselves on Christmas Day for the first time ever, and I know they're depressed about it. They'll probably go by and see Grandma, which just isn't the same anymore since she's INSANE, and maybe will go up later to Gramma's, where we now have Mom's schizo sister, and the other sister with the juvenile delinquent son. Blahsuck.

I know, I need to roll with punches, here. Of course things are changing, now that we're all married and scattered all over the state. And generally I adapt very well to change, and it really doesn't bother me. But damnit, I don't want anything messing with my Christmases!

And Blue has to work overnight New Year's Eve too. Damn damn damn.

No wonder I've been grumpy. This is one year that I'm really looking forward to just getting Christmas over with.

9:37 a.m. - 2001-12-18

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