caerula's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ambition? There was a woman in the bathroom just now talking on her cell phone while peeing. Um, yuck. Ok, so I was overstating before. SWWP wasn't making fun of me, and she shares my point of view in many ways. It is interesting, now, that several other people have written about work today. And I can see their points, too. I do fear that if I had the opportunity not to work for a living, I would waste it -- that I would let my brain rot, and would never get around to writing that novel, or learning German, or traveling, or reading all the books I keep telling myself I'll read someday. And I also feel like I'm terribly unliberated, after women for so many years were told to stay home and take care of the kiddies, that I'm not embracing my career. But, while my work is interesting, I really don't miss is when I'm not here. Last week when I was off, I didn't think about it at all. And it's not like I'm doing anything that someone else with cataloging experience and a lit degree couldn't do. It's not like I think women shouldn't work. I wish I had a bit more ambition myself. It's not like I want to stay home because I think that's where a woman's place is. It's not that I want a man to take care of me. I mean, I have a man, and he's wonderful, but he doesn't inspire me to behave like the good wife. I still want to do something that will provide income and support for myself and my family. I just want to do it at home. I could write freelance. I could make crafts and quilts and sell them for exorbitant amounts of money (have you seen what a for-real handmade quilt goes for? If I could sew 12 hours a day, I'd be rich. Of course, I'd also be living in a sweatshop). Or, like what Geni describes -- I'd love to have more freedom and flexibility, and work when I want and stay home when I want. Not that that's really possible in this world. I do find it very ironic that I feel this way. I was the one everyone expected to go off to the big city and be a high-powered career woman. But I think I knew even then, ten years ago, that I didn't have the ambition and drive necessary for that. I happily (well, ok, sometimes grudgingly) take responsibility for myself, my actions, and the results thereof. I take responsibility for minor children in my care. But I don't want the responsibility of taking care of other people's money, or products, or stock options, or whatever. It's one of the things I like about this job -- I am responsible for my own work, and no one and nothing else. 3:06 p.m. - January 08, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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