caerula's Diaryland Diary

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dry

Aside from starting out last week with food poisoning and finishing it up with a migraine, the trip went well. I�ll write it up later, but in the meantime, chew on this. The county in Alabama where we stayed? Dry. I had no idea there were still such places, even in the south. I know there are dry towns, but the entire freaking county?

It's good to be home.

9:49 a.m. - October 20, 2003

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carry me home to see my kin ...

So, to make a long story short, I'm going to Alabama for a week.

Ok, yeah, it was kind of a last minute decision, considering my mom and Aunt P and Gramma are leaving in the morning to go visit family in rural north central 'Bama. Last week, I was going to go, then I decided no, I wasn't, then the last couple of days I've been thinking how much I just need a break. And while most people probably wouldn't think of a 14 hour trip in a minivan with their mother and grandmother as a break, I think it may be what I need right now. And no other opportunity to skip town is presenting itself so ...

I have no firm plans, but I know I'll have access to a car at least some of the time, so I probably will head to Birmingham and maybe Montgomery to do some research of the genealogical type and see what is to be seen; if all else fails I'll apparently also be close to fun tourist traps like Lookout Mountain and something called the Ave Maria Grotto, which looks to be a haven of Christian tourish kitch.

And hey, pecan logs and pralines. Mmmm...

3:31 p.m. - October 09, 2003

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aarghhhh

So Blue didn�t get the job that has kept him hanging for three-plus weeks, the one where they kept reassuring him how interested they were and that an offer was imminent. They suck. Want to help me go kick them? There�s one other prospect at the moment, in a chiropractor�s office, which is good � regular hours, benefits, etc. It�s an hour�s drive each way, which is bad, but doable. For Blue � I couldn�t deal with that kind of commute.

Medical ranting ahead, now: Meanwhile, I�ve been off quietly going insane for the past few days, but I think I�m better now. The anxiety attacks went out of control for a week or so, but I think I�ve connected it to one of my many prescriptions and hope to work something else out. I�ve touched base with each of my doctors� offices in the past week and a half � GP, ob/gyn, and rheumatologist. Have yet to actually talk to a doctor. The rheumatologist�s nurse assured me that my blood work was fine, which, although, good, doesn�t negate that my hands and feet are still swollen up like balloons and it takes me 20 minutes to get out of bed most mornings. The ob/gyn reiterated � through the nurse, of course � that she really doesn�t think I have PCOS (just because I have, you know, all the symptoms) and that she didn�t see the need for me to go back to the reproductive endocrinologist since we weren�t currently trying to get pregnant. The RE being the only one who�s successfully treated my PCOS symptoms and helped at all with pain management where that�s concerned, so, you know, why would I want to see him? And the nurse practitioner at my GP�s office offered to try a different birth control pill, to see if that�s what is causing me to break out in tears every 20 minutes and go off on unsuspecting bank clerks and school bus drivers (long story) but wasn�t happy about it, since I do have an ob/gyn I should be talking to this about. And I�m back on BCPs in the first place due to one of the meds prescribed by the rheumatologist. It�s just a vicious vicious cycle. Or, actually, I feel more like one of those stupid hamsters in the plastic ball, with the illusion you�re getting somewhere, but you can never escape the stupid plastic.

Wow, I�m seriously mixing metaphors, or something.

Anyway, Cyn and I are off to get real food for lunch so she can listen to me rant and rave. Or something.

11:36 a.m. - October 06, 2003

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awwwww

So I got another six inches whacked off my hair tonight -- now it comes to right at my jawline. I quite happy with it, despite the fact that it was a total impulse thing. I just needed a change, I guess.

Wanna feel all warm and fuzzy? Then this is your "awwwwwwwww" story of the day.

10:14 p.m. - September 25, 2003

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baby bwahs

I�ve been so weepy this week. Part of it is being back on BCPs because of some of the other meds I�m on, and my hormones are all scrrrrrewy. Part of it was going to go to yet another baby shower on Saturday, this one for the lesbian cousins. We had one at work about two weeks ago for Pierced Girl. (I hope she takes out that eyebrow ring before the baby starts getting grabby � ouch!) And it�s baby mania with my friends here at Dland, with Mistress Sinister and nightngale and even Mimi Smartypants getting into the act. I�m so happy for everyone, I really am, and my personal tribulations don�t diminish at all how thrilled I am for everyone, but I�m so tired of doing baby stuff for other people. I enjoy making baby quilts, but I want to make one for my one little one, and lately it�s seemed like we�ll never get there.

The Kid isn�t helping. Not that he�s being bad on purpose � not any more than usual! � but he�s decided apparently that this would be a good time to have some sort of 10-going-on-40 existential life crisis. He�s bored. Nothing is fun. There�s nothing to look forward to and never will be ever again. Why are we here? What is life for? Why do good people die?

These are all verbatim from the past two weeks. What goes through my head, of course, is �what the hell do you want me to say? I don�t know the answers!� What comes out of my mouth, fortunately, is more along the lines of �that�s a really good question, but 9:45 at night isn�t the time to discuss it.� Because of course these things always come up after bedtime, when he can�t sleep and Blue is busy getting ready for work and I have my 10 peaceful minutes of the day.

Then I go bang my head against the bathroom wall.


So on less profound topics, I hesitate to mention that I have developed yet another hobby, because I know you�ll all shake your heads and sigh that it�s the last thing I need, which it is. But ever since I did the scrapbook for Kitty�s baby shower, and then one for my mom for her birthday last month, I�ve got the bug. Stickers and paper and scissors � it�s almost as much fun as playing with fabric. And there are some wonderful scrapbooking sites out there -- Two Peas in a Bucket is my current favorite. It�s gotten me back into a hobby I�d given up ages ago, funky and fancy lettering, and it�s just neat. Not so much calligraphy, more like different cartoony and stylistic fonts. And it's not lame! It�s not!

And I keep thinking, you know, if I could get my shit together I could make a living off of this stuff. Baby quilts and wallhangings and custom scrapbooks and cards and lettered poems and whatnot. My cousin (mommy#2 at the baby shower) not only loved the quilt, but was so thrilled with the card I made she said she was going to frame it, and asked me if I was selling my stuff yet. Which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. And you�d buy my stuff, right? Right?

I could even make Mistress Sinister some glitter sheep! I'm sure she'd love them!

12:00 p.m. - September 23, 2003

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