caerula's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- developments Good heavens. Luck has soooo not been on my side this week! Here I am, working on a Saturday with absolutely no compensation, just to show my willingness to be a good employee and take care of some of our backlog, and when does GB walk in to pick up something? Of course! When I'm checking my email! Does the woman have a homing device or something? Then she wants to know where I stand with the hours I'm making up from taking the first week of January off. Like I came in today just so I can email. And she says, "Well, are you going to be able to get eight hours in today?" No, obviously not, and I tell her so. I'm really annoyed right now. I may have to change her pseudonym to the Queen of Passive-Aggression. I think part of this angst, though, is due to the fact that yesterday we had a meeting in which we found out that the company is going through a "restructuring process." I have a feeling GB has known about this for a while, and is concerned about our department's well-known lacksadaisical attidude toward deadlines and such. I'd like to think that she's worried about all of us keeping her jobs, but I think actually she's concerned about how it will reflect on her if a bunch of us get canned or moved to other departments. I can't think about being laid off. It's not so much the money but the excellent benefits we get through my company that would be the worst thing to lose. We could hardly afford to COBRA, although we couldn't afford not to, especially if we get pregnant. So I'm just not thinking about it. Not not not. But I will try to be better about doing non-work things here at work. (Say I, writing in my journal instead of working. But GB just left, and I'm all by myself, and I need to finish this. Then I'll go back to work. I swear.) Had a long talk with Blue last night about planning for the future. It's one of the things we don't talk about enough, and I was glad to get our worries out in the open. Money is still tight, especially after Christmas and having to pay a 50% copayment for the fertility drugs I started the week after Christmas. Blue may start looking around for a 2nd, part-time job. I'd hate for him to do that, but it might be what we need to get us over the hump. Also, it might not help much but we're going to start selling things off on Ebay -- Blue has a huge comic collection he's been wanting to get rid off, we could definitely sell off huge lots of used paperbacks that I won't ever read again, and although it pains me a bit, I could sell my Fiestaware collection. It's not like it's serving any practical purpose. And I have a huge amount of fabric for stitching -- 14 and 16 count Aida, mostly -- that I know I won't ever use. I bet someone would buy that. So we'll see how that works out. Also last night I told Blue a lot about my journalling for the first time. He knew I was doing it but hadn't ever read any of it. We got to talking about it because I said I'd like to work up some of the experiences we've had this year -- the custody battle for YMB, the infertility problems, etc -- into articles or essays that might sell. So I was explaining how writing all about it here has really helped me get back into the habit of writing every day, and has restored some of my faith in my ability to put words together in some sort of coherent fashion and maybe even be a little entertaining. Blue thinks this is a great idea and of course has huge amounts of faith in my writing ability even though I haven't had the courage to let him read hardly anything I've written. So last night I showed him these pages, and left it up to him how much or how little he wants to read. I did warn him that I've bitched and moaned about him in here, and he might not like everything he reads, but he brushed that away. I guess we'll see. In the meantime, I should probably go back to work before GB realizes she forgot something and pops in here again. Gah. 2:29 p.m. - January 12, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||