caerula's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- disappointment and triumph, 4th-grade style Rejection sucks. Losing sucks. It�s so hard to put yourself out there, to know that others are watching and evaluating and judging you. But it�s immeasurably harder to watch your kid do it. YMB had his first gymnastics meet today. He�s been doing gymnastics since the fall and has really found his niche there; last year was soccer, which was less than successful. He has boundless energy and athletic skill, but well, competitive team sports weren�t something he was really ready for. Gymnastics has been good; he has to work with his team for overall points, but he also has to go out there and depend just on himself. There are also enough different things to do that he doesn�t get bored or distracted; in soccer he was always the kid playing defense distracted by an airplane or someone on the sidelines who would miss the ball flying past his head. And he�s ridiculously flexible; he can just go over into a backbend or flip his legs over his head on the rings like nobody�s business. He�s found something he�s really good at, and it�s given him a lot of confidence. But he was so nervous today. The other kids had been to a meet in the fall that he missed, since we couldn�t reschedule a weekend at the Dementors�. They were more cooperative this time around (they ought to be, what with the Florida thing), so he had no idea what to expect and felt like everyone else had one up on him. And then to watch him go out there and try so very hard, and get up when he falls and get right back up there, oh, it�s so hard. He wowed on vault and rings, totally his best events. Wobbled a bit on his headstand on floor and had to try again, and then pommel he forget the sequence and had to start over. And then on the bar he did his flip-around thing and just fell off, belly-flopped onto the mat. He got right back up and jumped right back up there, which was a great thing to see; even just a year ago that would have sent him over the edge, and he really took it in stride. He was disappointed that their team only was third, but his individual scores really were something considering it was his first time out there in something like this. Lowest on bar, obviously, since he fell, but then vault was his highest, 8.9. Again he was disappointed that he didn�t get anything over 9.0, but he took it really well and dealt with it. And said something to the effect of, well, I fell, but I started over so it was ok. Still, it was hard for me to watch. They do the whole "everyone's a winner thing," they all get ribbons and plaques and congratulations, but even at 9 and 10 years old they've all learned it's not true. It's the first time, too, that he's had an event like this where's he's been individually scored, and I know it was difficult for him to adjust too. He was proud of himself, but also was really willing to talk about where he could improve. We were so very proud of the way he handled it, and told him so. While part of me wants to tell him of course he's the best, we don't want to set him up for that kind of fall, so we did stress that we were proud not only that he did well, but that he handled his mistakes and disappointment gracefully. He already has so much of you're-God's-gift-to-kids from his mom's family, who have always treated him as if he can do no wrong. He came to us two years ago so full of himself already, so sure that he was just the biggest prize and we were at fault if we didn't appreciate that. He's adjusted incredibly well to finding out that other people are special too, and deserving of praise, and that in some things other kids are going to be better than him. It's still hard, though. You want your kid to have confidence and a sense of self-worth, but you don't want them to set themselves up for a fall, to embarass themselves, alienate others, or to be so confident as to be reckless. Where do you find that balance? And I know it will just get harder; he�s the type of person to want to put himself out there all the time, to really dig in and strive and want to win. I just hope we can teach him to deal with the inevitable disappointments he will face. 11:10 p.m. - March 30, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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