caerula's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- caerula and the terrible horrible no good very bad day What a day yesterday. We were plagued with bounced checks, a vomiting dog, a troubled YMB, and a disappointing report card. Never mind malfunctioning household appliances and a stack of bills. Blahsuck indeed. When Sophie started throwing up last night, it was just the last straw. It all started with the bank. Blue put his paycheck in Friday morning, but apparently a bunch of checks went through Thursday afternoon. It was pure bad timing on our part. So we had well over a hundred dollars in bounced check fees that went through yesterday, although the bank did, at least, honor the checks. Unfortunately, the fees they took out of out checking account means that the lot rent check, paid yesterday, will probably bounce before my paycheck goes in on Thursday, and also that we have absolutely no money to spend between now and my payday. It was also the final nail in the coffin, so to speak, meaning that we're not going to be able to afford another IUI next cycle. We'd have to start the Pergonal shots around Valentine's Day, and we're not going to have enough money to pay the $750 upfront cost of the medicine. I have my medical reimbursement request in through work, but those checks take weeks to come back. So it will be at least mid-March before we can try another IUI treatment. Blue and I sat up last night after YMB went to bed and looked at all our finances. Basically the agreement we came to is that for the next few months, at least, we will be buying nothing but absolute necessities, and any extra we save from this will be going towards paying off bills. We have to get our debt down. Between Christmas and medical bills, the credit cards are maxed out, and I can't stand having that burden hanging over us. So, my birthday is looking pretty bleak. We may go out to dinner Friday night, if we can scrape together cash and money from bottle returns and stuff like that, but that's it for me. It's depressing, but there's not much we can do about it. I knew we were in bad shape, but I'd been holding off thinking about it, until it all came crashing down on us yesterday. I hate living paycheck to paycheck, and I refuse to do it any more. We don't need anything; we have clothes and toys and books and all the comforts and more than we might ever need, so it's just a matter of giving up the little things we like to do for a while � no dinners out, movies, impulse purchases, or unnecessary trips to Target. And no quilt store for me. I was thinking this morning about this, and how spoiled we really are. We are hardly well off, but we make enough money that if we weren't so swamped with debt we'd be just fine. The problem is, we've been spending as if we don't have that debt, and if we keep doing that we'll get into trouble. I like to run by the quilt shop or the book store after work and drop twenty or thirty bucks on stuff I want, but have no need for; Blue does the same, buying stuff to fix up his car or little things for the house that we could live without. We have to retrain ourselves to stop doing that. Gas and groceries, household necessities, and that's it. I think it will be good for us. And if we want to continue fertility treatments, absolutely necessary. But oh, it's depressing. So on top of this, YMB brings home his report card. And while his reading has improved � although not as much as we'd hoped � and he's doing well academically, his behavior marks have dropped. Drastically. His school uses a dorky O=outstanding, S=satisfactory, N=needs improvement type system. The first marking period, he was mostly satisfactory, with outstanding marks for participation, discussion, quality of work. Everything is down to Ns and Ss. Not what we wanted to see. And there was a letter besides, outlining some of the difficulties YMB has been having. I'm rather perturbed that he's been having such difficulties apparently since coming back from Christmas break, and the first we hear of it is yesterday. His teacher describes problems talking back, not following or ignoring directions, causing disruptions, talking out of turn, etc. His behavior is apparently disruptive to the entire class, and it's nearly six weeks before we here that it's a problem? Please. So, sat down with YMB last night and went over what's been going on, and Blue will be putting a call in to the school today to set up a meeting with the teacher. There are times when we definitely don't agree with this school's policies and philosophies, but our rules are still that YMB has to respect his teachers and let us take care of the problems. I can see where talking back would be entirely tempting in some of the situations he described to us, but of course we can't let him know that. Part of the problem, as I see it, is that YMB is entirely too good at problem-solving for the adults at his school, and so sure of himself that he doesn't understand why everyone can't just do things his way. We've also seen quite a temper develop this year, and acting before thinking is often the rule of the day. He always feels incredible sorry afterwards if he hurts someone's feelings, but so far he can't seem to think enough ahead to determine beforehand if something might be hurtful and perhaps this would be a good time to keep his mouth shut. And too, he loves to be the center of attention, and if saying something funny, however inappropriate to the time and place, will get him that attention, then he's going to go ahead and damn the consequences. Consequences. That must be one of the hardest things to teach, is that you have to be responsible for the consequences of your actions. We're still learning, as our financial situation attests to . And in YMB's case, for the first seven years of his life he never did have to take any responsibility for the outcomes of his actions. If you can start with a toddler and teach that him when he whacks someone over the head with a toy something unpleasant will happen, at least you have some ground to build on. But in this case that child has only heard the adult ask the other child "Why did you let him hit you?" And then eight years later he's started to be punished for things he previously did with impunity � how can he suddenly grasp the concept of responsibility? It just seems like the people you live with now are mean, and the people you lived with before were nice. We can't go back in time to fix it, so all we can do is try and be patient. And consistent. YMB's a smart kid; he'll figure out eventually that rudeness, meanness, and dishonesty isn't getting him anything but an earlier bedtime and no fun. I just hope it's sooner rather than later. So, a long talk, a pouting kid, burned bread from a malfunctioning oven to go with our pasta, a frustrating hour trying to balance the checkbook and scrape up money from nowhere, and then the dog gets sick. By the time we put YMB to bed at nine, I was ready to crawl in next to him and bury my head. But, we persevered, talked finances some more, and blew off steam watching the hockey game. Poor Blue had to go to work last night after all of that, and I fell asleep on the couch after he left and woke up stiff and sore and freezing at six this morning, to a temperature of 5 degrees F and a whining dog who desperately needed to go out. I hope today is a better day. 10:50 a.m. - February 05, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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