caerula's Diaryland Diary

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read this book

I don't often write about books I've loved, since I don't usually feel like I can do them justice. But I really want you people (yes, you!) to read this book.

It's Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore.

Ok, it sounds ridiculous. But it's really excellent. Very, extremely, laugh-out-loud-and-scare-the-cat funny, for one, and that's something that's seriously underrated in good books. It's the funniest book I've read in I-don't-know-how-long. Maybe ever. But's it's not just funny, and that's what makes it so good.

"Children see magic because the look for it. When I first met Joshua, I didn�t know he was the savior, and neither did he, for that matter. What I knew was that he wasn�t afraid. Amid a race of conquered warriors, a people who tried to find pride while cowering before God and Rome, he shone like bloom in the dessert. But maybe only I saw it, because I was looking for it. To everyone else he seemed just like another child: the same needs and the same chance to die before he was grown."

If you found Monty Python's "Life of Brian" or Good Omens by Gaimen and Pratchett offensive, this is not the book for you. If you enjoyed either of the aforementioned, you'll probably adore this book. It's irreverent, but not sacrilegious or blasphemous. Of course I do have a pretty high tolerance for blasphemy, so perhaps I'm not the best judge. Moore, however, never questions in this novel that Jesus was exactly who he claimed to be. What he does is humanize Jesus, through, in part, the assumption that just maybe He had a sense of humor. Funny does not necessarily equal trivial. As Moore writes in his end notes, "the world of the first-century Jew under the rule of the Romans would not have been one that easily inspired mirth. It's more than a small anachronism that I portray Joshua having and making fun, yet somehow, I like to think that while he carried out his sacred mission, Jesus of Nazareth might have enjoyed a sense of irony and the company of a wisecracking buddy."

Moore takes the literal story of Jesus's (called Joshua here, a more accurate translation of the Hebrew name Yeshua) life from the Gospels as the jumping off point. The story is told from the point-of-view of Joshua's childhood best friend, Levi bar Alphaeus, called Biff. Levi is mentioned once in the Gospels, and generally assumed to be the apostle Matthew. Here he is a different person entirely, and the angel Raziel, on orders from Upstairs, resurrects him after 2000 years to write his Gospel. Raziel gives Biff the gift of tongues so he can write it in 21st century vernacular, and secludes him in a hotel room in St. Louis to complete his task. The angel is not the brightest halo in the bunch:

"The angel has confided in me that he is going to ask the Lord if he can become Spiderman. He watches the television constantly, even when I sleep, and he has become obsessed with the story of the hero who fights demons from the rooftops. The angel says that evil looms larger now than it did in my time, and that calls for greater heroes. The children need heroes, he says. I think he just wants to swing from buildings in tight red jammies."

Biff's task is to fill in the gaps. Tell us the stuff the apostles left out. Biff met Josh when they were six (Josh is resurrecting lizards that his little brother Judah smooshed), and was with him until the end, so that's a lot. Where was Jesus between the flight into Egypt and when Mary and Joseph dragged him out of the temple in Jerusalem at 12? And after that, until he showed up to be baptized by John? Moore has some interesting theories. Imagine knowing at ten years old that you really are the Son of God, destined to save the world. Now imagine that you're the Son of God's best friend, destined to be a stonecutter. What would you do?

" � while the other boys would be playing a round of tease the sheep or kick the Canaanite, Joshua and I played at being Rabbis, and he insisted that we stick to the authentic Hebrew for our ceremonies. It was more fun than it sounds, or at least it was until my mother caught us trying to circumcise my little brother Shem with a sharp rock. What a fit she threw. And my argument that Shem needed to renew his covenant with the Lord didn�t seem to convince her. She beat me to stripes with an olive switch and forbade me to play with Joshua for a month."

When Josh decided to go in search of the wise men, in hopes that they will help guide him to his destiny, Biff tags along. This journey is the central part of the novel, and although it gets ridiculously action-packed and a little silly � the two meet up with demons, bandits, human-sacrificing cultists, and plenty of prostitutes � the lessons learned along the way are deeply spiritual. Moore takes most of the major religious practices that existed around the time of Christ and weaves them into the story in a way that shows the reader how these beliefs could have influenced the teachings of Jesus.

All the major players are here � Mary and Joseph, the wise men, the apostles, Mary Magdalene � but they aren't what you'd necessarily expect. It made me like them more; the New Testament makes it awfully hard to relate to Mary the mother of Jesus on a personal level. It's a bit easier to like her when she's the crazy lady down the street who insists her kid is the Son of God. To some people that's probably blasphemous, but to me it seems imminently sensible. Please, if Mary were around today Jerry Springer would desperate to get her on his show.

The funny bits are incredibly funny. Josh and Biff playing Sodom & Gomorrah (Judah: "Why do I always have to be Lot's wife?"). The angel Raziel getting addicted to soap operas, but not grasping that it's all made up. Biff's dirges, and his response to seeing his first graven image. But that's not even the best part of the book. The best part is that it does what reams of sermons and religious publications don't, and that's bring it home what it really means that Jesus walked the earth as a human being. That all those names in the Bible aren't just names � they were quite possible real people, with real desires, fears, and follies. After one conversation 10-year-old Josh and Biff have with Joseph,

"Joseph dropped the bowl he was working on and stared into his hands. 'Run along and play, you two,' he said, his voice little more than a whisper.
Joshua stood and walked away. I wanted to throw my arms around the old man, for I had never seen a grown man afraid before and it frightened me too. 'Can I help?' I said, pointing to the half-finished bowl that lay in Joseph�s lap.
'You go with Joshua. He needs a friend to teach him to be human. Then I can teach him to be a man.' "

He was once a kid, and the nature of kids can't have changed that much in 2000 years. Being human, He probably wasn't perfect. He didn't jump out the manger and start preaching his message; he formed it one step at a time, with a lot of missteps along the way. He probably got in trouble with his mom once in a while. He was, like everyone, confused, lonely, angry at times. Once in a while he got drunk and blasphemous. He had a low tolerance for hypocrites � something many Christians could stand to remember more often. And maybe He didn't just have disciples; maybe � hopefully � He had friends.

Lamb text copyright Christopher Moore. Please don't sue me.