caerula's Diaryland Diary
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musing
With the exception of a couple of gift cards, Christmas shopping is finished, finished, finished. I still have an Amazon order coming in but that is all. Very impressed with Eddie Bauer; placed an order with them last Wednesday (20% discount for FoMoCo family members, courtesy of BIL EngineerBoy) and got it on Saturday, with everything present and accounted for, nothing backordered. Gorgeous dark green heathery mock turtleneck sweater, scuff slippers, and boxers for Blue, and a picture frame just because it was cute and clearanced.
Finally found YMB's "big" gift, too. We were at a loss, since he asked for lots of little things but no one main thing, and we like to have something extra special for him to unwrap at the end. My parents always did that with us when we were little, and it's just such a nice tradition to have. Not extra-expensive, you understand, but special; something we'd been coveting all year, or didn't even know we wanted. YMB's been wanting Lord of the Rings stuff, but we looked at it and decided it was a little too old and violence-oriented for him, and mostly pretty ugly too. Anyway, was in Target with Mom on Saturday (3rd trip to Target in 8 days, sigh, and had to go back yesterday to return something and buy a new tree stand) and we found these really nifty toys, Dragons something-or-other, which have that sort of medieval fantasy world look without being quite so nasty and Orc-ish, and have the added advantage of going together kind of like Legos, with different formations and things. Plus, well, dragons. And not nearly as expensive as the Harry Potter legos, with better looking results. I think, anyway. Blue thought it was marvelous, so we decided to go with one of the big sets, and Mom got him some of the little add-on things. I hope it goes over well, as it is the absolute last thing I am purchasing for YMB. I do think he will like it, though. I mean, Blue was thrilled with it, and they just about always like all the same toys. Boys. Sigh. I've finally accepted, I guess, that I can say "no violent toys" all I want, and YMB would still take his, say, Veggie Tales Larry-Boy set and have a giant battle. As long as he knows it's fantasy, I suppose.
So Blue and YMB both were extremely happy with the "Year Without a Santa Claus" set I got on Friday. (Judging from my google hits, lots of people are looking for that stuff. Ridiculously overpriced on Ebay, too. Mediaplay or Suncoast, people. End digression) They had a little diorama set up on the coffee table in 10 minutes, and then played with them for like an hour. So that was an excellent purchase too. I hope that after Christmas I can pick up some more of the collectibles at clearance prices, because they really are just too cute. And the special was on over the weekend, so we had to Tivo it and watch the Miser bits more than once. At least it's not all misogynist like the Rudolph special ("We have to get the women back to Christmastown!"); Mother Nature tells those Miser boys what to do and they do it. And Mrs. Claus takes over and saves the day when stupid Santa decides he needs a day off. Please. He only works one night a year, right?
Which CNN personality are you?
Huh. Whatever.
Damn. Speaking of the media, I just got an email reminding me that deadline for my first set of RT reviews was today. I haven't actually technically written any of them, although it won't be difficult since they require basic, to-the-point, 200-words-or-less write-ups. I just can't believe I completely put it out of my mind all weekend. Gah. I know what I'll be doing this evening.
I have done something to my right hand. Right below my thumb is just killing, and I don't know why it hurts so badly. I have problems with repetitive stress and carpal tunnel, what with all the joint problems, but I haven't been doing anything more with it than usual. Of course, this morning I could hardly move, so I should be glad things have settled down to dull aches here and there. The bottom of my feet were hurting this morning. How stupid is that? It's not like I've been doing a whole extra lot of walking or anything. And my elbows are the other thing that's really bothering me. Grr. Must be at least partially the cold weather, I think, but it's still stupid.
I wonder if the SlimFast shake and microwave butter-lovers popcorn I had for lunch cancel each other out?
As I've mentioned a couple of times recently, I've been going to church with my mom most Sundays. The last two weekends that YMB has been here we've taken him as well, and so far he is just loving it. He was so excited to go yesterday. Which is pretty cool. I'm still not sure how I feel about the church itself � the basic tenets of the Church of God, I mean. It is still Evangelical Christian, fairly conservative, hallelujah-and-praise-the-Lord, shouting and stomping church we went to when I was younger. People actually still occasionally are moved to speak in tongues during prayer, which I have never really been able to grasp � when I was little it scared me to death. On the other hand, this congregation is somewhat more relaxed. My great-uncle, who is the pastor there, has mellowed muchly in the past 20 years, to the point where he is tacitly accepting, if not all open about, his gay son and son's live-in boyfriend. Said son plays organ in the church and leads the singing, and while he's not exactly Out, still, it's something for this family. Believe me. Gramma, my mom's mom, is there, and both (psycho and non-psycho) of my mom's sisters, along with various cousins of indeterminate relationships. I like the music and singing, very much still in the Southern gospel tradition, and I generally like Uncle's preaching, if I don't always completely agree with his messages or interpretations. He is a very charismatic speaker, and his faith is both evident and joyful. I guess that's the main thing that I'm liking � these people love God, love their faith and their church, and are not at all embarrassed or doleful about it. There's no dirge-like music, no self-flagellation. There's a lot of joy in the sermons, in the singing, and the feeling that people are happy just to be there worshipping together. So I'm going to continue to go, and I'm going to keep taking YMB. He enjoys it, there are other kids his age there, he has the opportunity to interact with my mom's side of the family whom we don't get to see often otherwise. And they aren't overly preachy with the kids � a Bible lesson, a prayer, a couple of songs. Yesterday they watched the new Veggie Tales Christmas special. All good things.
Some of it still makes me uncomfortable. I'm not terribly open about my faith and my prayers; it's a very private thing to me. I'm not one who would go up to the prayer table with most of the others and put my hands on other people's shoulders and pray aloud with them. My mom does, which seems odd to me, as she's fairly private otherwise about things like that. The speaking in tongues still gives me a wiggins, although most people are more low-key about it than I remember from 20 years ago. Sometimes the shouting and "Praise Jeee-sus" and the muttered "glory glory" and "hallelujahs" from all around gets to be a little much. And most of the congregation still seems to take the Bible very literally, instead of grasping that much of it may be metaphorical, exaggerated, or other not exactly straight history. But when all's said and done, I do get a sense of peace and rightness from being there. I'm beginning to feel closer to God and more comfortable with my spirituality than I have in a very long time, and I feel like I'm beginning to understand some things I never really did before. I'm rereading my student Bible with a different, less critical but more, I guess, academic outlook. Religion in general is making a little more sense to me. And the important thing, I suppose, is that I'm able to take what I need from the service and not have to take every bit of it as, well, gospel. I understand now, as I couldn't when I was little, that the pastor isn't always right, or that I might take something different away from a reading than others do, or that I don't have to be perfect all the time or else I'm going to Hell. That I can be uncomfortable with phrases like "washed in the blood" and still believe the basic concepts of evangelical Christianity. And that one can still be intelligent, critical, and reasonable, and be a Christian. So, anyway, that's that. Don't know why I felt the need to explain it here, except that I know I've been really critical in the past of the church and I felt I ought to think about my change of heart and why and how it's happened. Still not sure about that, but I'm thinking about it, and that a good thing.
5:09 p.m. - December 09, 2002
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