caerula's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a little better Well, I am cautiously optimistic, in a good news/bad news sort of way. Blue went to the counselor and the doctor today, and I ended up taking the day off to go with him. I was just going to take the morning and then go to work, but the doctor�s appointment was very stressful. We went to lunch afterwards to talk, and then Blue had to sleep as he worked last night, and I ended up taking a three-hour nap as well. In any case, the doctor, after asking Blue about a zillion questions, decided that the best thing to do is to send him to see a neuropsychiatrist. Since we�ve heard everything from depression to ADHD to OCD from counselors, but never had any official diagnosis, this is definitely a good thing. And Blue is very honest w/ the doctor; generally he underplays how bad he feels, but he was really open today. I think the weekend and my generally saying, look, this is it, I will not live like this, was at least the beginning of a wake-up call. So the regular doctor is going to call and get Blue and appointment right away, as he thinks things have come to a fairly urgent point. You know, when the doctor asks �Have you felt at any point lately that you have been a danger to yourself or others?� and you answer �yes,� I think the doctor takes that pretty seriously. The, I guess, bad news part of the situation is that the reason the doctor wants Blue to go to the neuro-whatever (I�m not typing it out every time) is that he thinks all the depression, ADHD, OCD, etc, are probably all elements of a bipolar disorder. Well. This is good and bad � I mean, it�s more serious disorder than any of the ones we�ve been concerned about, but there are new medicines and treatments that don�t turn people into zombies. So we�ll see. We did then go to lunch and talked; basically I only said that all I need Blue to do for now, while we wait for this appointment, is to try and think about what kind of mood he is in. And agree with me that when he does get upset, if he does, that I can either tell him I�m going to leave for a while, or he will go take a walk or something. Since YMB gets home for two weeks on Friday, and we have a family wedding on Saturday, the next week or so may be stressful. But he does now seem willing to work on things �I think I scared him enough over the weekend so that he actually believed I meant it when I told him I would leave if things didn�t change, and the doctor scared him enough this morning, for him to decide he really doesn�t want to die in a stupid accident or end up divorced and bitter and without his child. So, as I said, I am cautiously hopeful. And I had a nap today. So I feel pretty decent, if not good, and now it is past midnight, and I need to go to bed. 12:17 a.m. - July 17, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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