caerula's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the other F word Damn. I did something to my hip this morning, and it popped out and then popped back in, and now it hurts like hell all down my right leg and my toesies are going numb. I brought my heating pad to work with me, which I rarely do as it makes people wonder what is wrong with me that I have a heating pad at work. This is on top of being rather achy already from all the poking and prodding Leah the Therapist did yesterday. I feel like an old, old person. Unlike some people, SWWooP knows how to run a familyhood. She gave me brilliant advice on the fibbing yesterday, and some more general child-rearing advice that came in handy when YMB, after moping around all afternoon, finally admitted that he'd gotten in trouble in gym. "Why?" "I called someone the F word." Blue and I look at each other in horror. YMB quickly revises his comment. "Not THAT F word. The other one." Now we stare at each other incomprehensibly. We can't think of another f word that would get him in trouble (yes, we are sheltered. Shut up, Natalieeeeeeeee.) Eventually Blue drags out that YMB called Charlie, whoever he is, a faggot. "Do you know what that means?" "Yeah." "What does it mean?" "It means gay." "Do you know what gay means?" "Uh�no." So, operating on the principle that we are trying to teach YMB that words have power, and so you must be careful with them, Blue explains what gay means. YMB has had the very basic "this is where babies come from" talk, but is way overdue for another one now that he's at that age where kids start picking up these words and throwing them at each other. That's Blue's job for the weekend. He is not looking forward to it. I don't think the concept of homosexuality was exactly news to YMB, at least he didn't seem all that surprised although his eyes got bigger and bigger. We wrapped it up by saying that it's important to remember that everyone has the right to love whoever they want, as long as they aren't hurting anyone else, and that's more important than whether it's a man or a woman. That the word he used is used by people who don't think that way, who want to hurt people's feelings. And that you shouldn't use words when you don't know what they mean, just because the other kids say them and think they're cool. Sigh. Life is so complicated when you're in third grade. When I was in third grade, I don't think I knew there were ANY "F words," never mind the actual words themselves. Maybe it's a boy thing. Girls certainly didn't call people faggots. Not that young, anyway. I clearly remember the first time I heard someone use that word, at least the first time it made an impression on me. I've never forgetten it, how shocked and sad I was, and how I didn't say anything. I had a really good friend my freshman year of high school. He was a senior, kind of nerdy-cute, in the spring musical (L'il Abner, of all things). I had a huge crush on him, but besides that, he was just a sweetheart, and did wonderful things to help my self-confidence. Anyway, he went to prom that year with another freshman girl, who we'll call Kimmy, with whom he was also good friends. After high school, he came out, and was the first gay person I ever knew well. His dad threw him out, he moved in with a boyfriend, and hung out with us occasionally still. It was surprising, initially, but not a big deal, and I don't remember thinking anything of it. When I was in eleventh grade, Scott came back to help with the musical (Grease, that year). He'd changed a lot � dressing flashy, silk shirts, gelling his hair up, etc � he was a 20 year old gay man in the late eighties, after all. I was thrilled to see him again and so were most people, I thought. Kimmy was in the play that year � she was actually Sandy, which was just horrid (never did like her much). Anyway, at the cast party, we were watching a videotape someone made of us getting ready for the show. And there was a shot of Kimmy and Scott talking, and Kimmy said "there's me, talking to that faggot." Almost everyone in the room laughed. I couldn't believe it. And I didn't say anything. I still remember that, and still wish I'd slapped her. Or thought of something nasty to say, or something. Scott was my friend. He was a friend to most of the people in that room. And they laughed. Yeah, they were teenagers. But that�s not an excuse. I never liked Kim much, but after that comment she disgusted me. I've run into her a couple of times since high school, and every time that scene comes back to me, and I don't say anything. And now we have to worry about 8-year-olds calling each other faggots for no apparent reason. Sigh. 10:18 a.m. - January 24, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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